Critters Big and Small

Generally speaking, I like to think I know my place in the world. I don’t swim in the ocean cuz I don’t want to offend the sharks who run that place. I don’t shit in the woods (unless I absolutely have to) lest the bears be displeased. I don’t go tromping around in the desert and the rattlesnakes don’t have to rattle… or bite! I don’t fuck with any animal that can maim me or poison me. This seems simple enough. Right? I mean, it’s almost common sense. And when it comes to the critters closer to home, I generally leave spiders to their own web designs (gods, I crack myself up sometimes), because spiders I find to be preferable to mosquitoes. Why then, with my very common sense attitude, added to my “live and let live” philosophy on most life, do spiders insist on stringing their webs all over in places that necessarily are in my way!?

Every time I come home from work, a spider has started to string a web across the front steps of my porch. I’d avoid it if I could, but that’s just a really inconvenient place to do what you do. Just today, I was going to do some laundry, and three or four spiders (over the weekend) had constructed a labyrinth of webs outside my back door! I was forced to massacre the entire lot of em with a broom! They were in my way! I make an effort to avoid bears and sharks and snakes… why can’t the spiders do the same for me!?

That being said, if I had the time and the energy I would start a crusade against roaches. Fuck those little fuckers!


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