Two Roads Diverged
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and unlike Mr. Frost, I took the one most traveled by. And what would that road be called? The path of least resistance! The “easy” way. And the easiest thing in the world to do, is nothing. I’m sitting here writing this blog post after almost ten whole months of not posting anything! How many times have I told myself, or you, that I was going to post more? write more? How many ideas for this blog have I worked up and then forgotten all about? How many ideas for novels have I come up with, just to torture myself over the first few pages and then set the story aside? How many times have I wanted to sit down and really try my hand at writing a sonnet?
It’s easy to do nothing. Easier still when you’re not accountable to anybody. No offense to the three or four of you who might’ve read this blog regularly, or felt obligated to follow the links I kept plastering on my twitter and Facebook accounts, but I didn’t feel beholden to you. The idea behind blogging is to build a following, a readership, and I just didn’t have it… likely still don’t. And without that, what happens if I don’t post something new on my blog on a regular basis? Absolutely nothing! It’s a consequence free decision. Which only makes it that much easier to come up with justifications for not posting anything. And trust me, if there’s one thing I can do, it’s justificate! After “Nobody’s even gonna see this!” comes “Nobody would even want to read this!” and all of its variations : “I can come up with something better” (then I don’t), “I don’t think I could write a lot about this” (which I maybe can’t, but something is better than nothing), “There’s too much to write about this in a blog post” (which means it’d be too much work in terms of research and preparation). And all of that happens before I even sit down at the damn keyboard!
But the worst justification I’ve ever used is, “I don’t want to take a stance on subject X.” I work the evening shift at a radio station. Suffice it to say, that it’s a job which doesn’t require me to be one hundred percent keyed in to what I’m supposed to be doing at all times during my shift. This usually results in me walking laps around the studio. Now there are some rules I have to follow. For instance, I can’t use the computer in the studio for personal business (which is a major obstacle to what should be happening). While I’m doing my laps, I often get myself worked up over one thing or another. I start talking out loud, forming and organizing arguments. Repeating things to check that they sound right or have a certain rhetorical punch. I get downright impassioned, like a southern preacher a week before Judgment Day! Then what happens? Well, since I can’t write and publish from work, I come home after my shift, sit down at my computer, this computer, light a cigarette and rummage around on YouTube for about an hour, then watch something on Netflix, read a web-comic or two, maybe enjoy some “one-on-one time with myself”, and then go to bed! And all because I don’t want to publicly take a stance on a subject which I obviously give a damn about (for what little my giving a damn is worth).
I’ve been trying so hard to write the fun things. The inclusive things. The fun little list things. The kind of things you might see on Buzzfeed or Cracked. Now, I’m not saying I don’t have those things in me… or that I won’t still do them from time to time but, I think I’m going to start taking some good advice from good writers. I’m just going to write! The rest be damned. If it’s not good (which it likely won’t be) then it’s not good! If you don’t read it, then you don’t read it! None of that takes away from the fact that I wrote it! I’m not going to promise any kind of schedule. I’ve done that too many times before, both in this blog and in personal journals that I’ve tried to keep. But I will promise this: I won’t censor myself anymore… within the bounds of my internet persona! I know! That sounds like a justification. A handy little caveat to avoid actually writing. But you’ve got to understand that I, as “Brother Arson” say things, do things, believe things that won’t necessarily go over well with certain people (i.e. my employers). I don’t love my job… but I do need it… and whatever job I may seek in the future! So, you understand that until I actually get paid to write, I feel a duty to protect my employability. If that’s acceptable to you, I’m going to go rummage around on YouTube for about an hour, and then watch something on Netflix and then… well, you get the idea! But at least this time, I’m doing it after I posted something on my blog!