Paranoia or Prudence
So, there’s a few things that irk me! I’ve already discussed my biggest fear, and these aren’t nearly on the same level but, they are things that I am fearful of. I’ve thought about them from time to time and I’ve vascillated between justifying them and ignoring them. But I’d like to put the question to you… am I just being paranoid, or am I being prudent!
Perhaps most notably, I don’t like it when there are people walking behind me! Actually, I’m not altogether comfortable with having people behind me in general! That feeling of being watched…it just bothers the hell out of me! I do my very best when entering a room, to find a place where I can put my back against a wall. If I’m walking down a sidewalk or a hall, I’ll stop randomly and push up against the wall, allowing those who were behind me to pass. It’s worst when I’m driving! If I notice a car that makes two or more of the same turns as I do behind me, I get genuinely nervous! “WHY ARE THEY FOLLOWING ME!?” Even when I’m walking with my friends though, I find myself moving off to the side or filtering towards the back of the group. I’ve accepted that there are certain situations where there are just going to be people behind me! It’s not like I go to any great lengths to avoid being in crowds or anything! Although I do recall deciding very specifically to move along the edge of them on more than one occassion. And I did fine in marching band where there was usually a hell of a lot of stuff going on behind me.
That particular…”quirk” may stem from a bully in the 6th grade who came up behind me on the way back from lunch and pushed my head into a wall….Or it may just be any number of movies I’ve seen where some unsuspecting shmuck gets attacked from behind…not unlike myself in the 6th grade… But I digress! I like being able to see the people around me. That way, I know the group of white guys walking through the Horseshoe at midnight aren’t gonna try to lynch me, or that random shifty guy isn’t going to stab me in the kidneys or that moderately cute indie chick isn’t going to pick my pocket or that I’m not being targeted for a home invasion robbery by a gang of Russian mobsters. (I’m not usually that specific when it happens, but I admit that it wasn’t difficult to come up with those examples) But what do you think? Paranoid or Prudent?
I also experience this “back burner” kind of fear that I’ve forgotten something important. Here’s one example. At this job I have, we’re not supposed to use the computer for “personal” business. Check company email, work related program use and maybe news and weather if the t.v., which also happens to be only for news and weather, isn’t enough! But I watch t.v. (and definitely not news and weather) and check my personal email and twitter and play Flash games and watch YouTube videos all the time. So, before I leave at the end of every shift, I clear the browser cache and search history, and leave the t.v. on The Weather Channel…after turning to CNN (can’t forget about that pesky “recall”/”flashback” button). The thing is… I don’t always remember doing it…so I have to do it two or three times before I’m comfortable that it’s been done. And even then, I’ll be driving home thinking “did I remember to clear the browser history?”
Speaking of driving! When I get somewhere, I lock the door, then pull the door handle to make sure it’s locked! Then I’ll take a few steps, and have to go back and pull the handle again just to make sure…again! And don’t get me started on Automatic Saves in video games! Or books! I’ll use a bookmark, stick the dust cover in there AND dog-ear the page! I also have clothes and shoes ready to throw on in less than a minute if I need to get out of the house…and a knife ready to grab on my desk…and any number of other things “just in case” one thing or another happens! I’m not even going to pretend to know where all that comes from! But, Paranoid or Prudent?
So, yeah! That’s not really even half of it, and most of it probably comes off as paranoid right off the top! But even though I can’t think of a reason for doing some of those things, there’s probably a good reason to do them! I can’t wholly discount two good pieces of advice that apply! 1) It’s better to have it and not need it, than need it and not have it! and 2) Just because you’re paranoid doesn’t mean somebody’s not out to get you! But those are just my thoughts!
Now it’s your turn! Comment! Do you think I’m just paranoid, or am I being prudent! Maybe discuss why! Is there anything that you do that might seem a bit paranoid?
p.s. If I ever win the lottery, you KNOW my house is going to have a panic room!
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